Marriage is something that we see around us a lot, especially as students in community where it is a norm. Marriage is something that I have grown up, being taught, that it is something that is not to be taken lightly. I have dated people throughout the past several years, some whom I can see myself marrying some day, others who I sometimes wonder, "why would Heavenly Father let me date somebody who I don't want to marry or have anything to do with now?" I can tell you why. It is because he loves me enough to allow me to make my own choices, to decide what I truly want in a husband for myself, and in a father for the children that he will bless us with some day. I know that can seem like kind of a strange thing to think about, but it is so true.
I was talking to a friend of mine, who said something that kind of shocked me. He said, "You girls all have a list of what you want the perfect husband to be. Well, to be honest, I have had a list up until a few months before I got home from my mission. I had all of these expectations of what I wanted in a perfect wife, and a perfect mother."
Wow. I seriously thought that it was always girls that had the list of the perfect spouse-that it was only us as girls who had that long horrifying list of the perfect spouse. I guess it really never occurred to me, that it is something that guys think about too. My friend said, "I gave up on that list after I realized, I need to marry who Heavenly Father wants me to marry." After hearing this last remark, I realized that over the span of the last five or so years, I too have been giving up on this precious list, that leaders would have us make in weekly activities.
I think of a talk given by Elder Robert D. Hales, in the October 2015 General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, in which he addresses matters given to us as the younger generation in today's societies. Elder Hales says, "Again, may I speak frankly? The track that leads to marriage passes through the terrain called dating! Dating is the opportunity for lengthy conversations. When you date, you learn everything you can about each other. Get to know each other's families when possible. Are your goals compatible? Do you share the same feelings about the commandments, the Savior, the priesthood, the temple, parenting, callings in the Church, and serving others? Have you observed one another under stress, responding to success and failure, resisting anger, and dealing with setbacks? Does the person you are dating tear others down or build them up? Is his or her attitude and language and conduct what you would like to live with every day?
That said, none of us marry perfection; we marry potential. The right marriage is not only about what I want; it's also about what she-who's going to be my companion-wants and needs me to be."
Wow. How powerful is this message that our beloved apostle has shared with us?
I have realized, that no matter how perfect I want my husband to be, I remember that nobody is perfect. We all have mistakes and we all have the tendencies of the natural man. We all have mistakes, and we all have things that we are trying to work on and overcome. I used to have a really long list of what I wanted. But, after lots of dating, praying, and fasting, I know that the Lord has somebody who loves me for who I am, looking past my mistakes, and looking forward to the future that we will have together.
There have been several people who have amazing marriages that I would like to be like. There are my parents who show that working together can really actually happen. They have been the biggest blessing in my life and the biggest examples to me of what a marriage should look like.
There is the stake president who I grew up knowing as the stake president and his lovely wife, who always had good things to say about everyone. They were so humble and they loved to serve the Lord.
There is my sister and brother-in-law, who have been married for three years, but have been such blessings in my life. I am so grateful for them and the sweet little children that they have brought into this world.
There is my brother and sister-in-law who have shown over the past 8 months of marriage, that when sacrifices need to be made, they can be made. And life can definitely go on with the bare necessities.
There are so many more marriages that I admire, and I know that someday, I will be able to work on my own Happily Ever After!
I know that for sure, I want to be able to have my own marriage. Knowing that it won't be perfect, and my husband won't be just a list of expectations that I have always had for him. I don't even care about most of the list because I know that he will be perfect for me. I know that I want a marriage that will be forever, that I can be sealed to him for Time and all Eternity. Nothing can stop me from reaching that one goal. I think seeing examples of marriage, where things can be pretty rocky at times due to problems in the world, it makes me want to try harder to make a marriage work. And to make any relationship work.
No comments:
Post a Comment